he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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