You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
