He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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