She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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