They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
