If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
