My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
