Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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