Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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