I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
