Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
