never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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