OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
