i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
