did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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