3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
