He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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