Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
