Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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