My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
