i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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