Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
