I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
