Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
