So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
