hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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