words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
