I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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