I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
