Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
