On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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