shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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