My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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