I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
