So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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