I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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