Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
time to smoke my breakfast
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This is the prime rib incident all over again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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