me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
