i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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