OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
