That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
