ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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