my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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