kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
