david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
