I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
