Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
