when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
