this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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