Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
