i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
