I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
