as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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