life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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