I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
