So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
