If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You made out with two different species that night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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