Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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